Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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