It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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