i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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