Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
