about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I want a musical about memes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
