she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
