When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
