wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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