Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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