i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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