Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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