He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
