her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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