In the future we'll all be gay
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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