If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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