I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
