I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
