he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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