dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
