I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Farmville is her only friend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
