yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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