my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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