I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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