Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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