ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
