from now on my penis is your penis
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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