what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
