Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
