i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
