just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
