help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
