Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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