EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
