I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just invented taco cereal.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
