I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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