my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
