I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
