Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize