I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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