He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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