dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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