Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
