He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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