I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Green mimosas i think yes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
