I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
