Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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