Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize