I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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