She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
