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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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