can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
