Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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