hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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