At least make sure they are 18
Why
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
