Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
