I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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