This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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