sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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