2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
