sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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