she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
