apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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