i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
