He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
