Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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