I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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