Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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