but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
