Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize