ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
