She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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