Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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