you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
