I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
